The Diary of an (Ambitious?) College Applicant- Part 1

Writer’s BLOCK

350 words on a Microsoft WORD roughly add up to 15 kb. I have 231 KB worth of words in my “college essay” folder. *opens up calculator on computer. Reminisces about the time when computers were just calculating machines. * 231KB is roughly 5390 words. In the past 5 days, I typed in almost FIVE AND A HALF THOUSAND WORDS worth of college essay. And the best part? THE BEST PART?

I am only halfway there.

No I’m not halfway there to college. I’m only halfway there in completing my applications and the dreaded 11 letter word: “supplements”.

This time of year is perhaps the most bitchy for a college applicant i.e. a senior.  (And our entire year is TRES bitchy.) We’re running out of SAT test dates. We have school exams to keep up with. But America takes the heat off by giving us a deadline date that’s laid back. A deadline that encourages laziness and chill mahols. A deadline that is truly American in that respect.

So what’s the problem then? I should finish up with exams and stuff and then dedicate December to apps. The answer to why I cannot do that is also the reason why I frantically conjured up 5-and-a-half thousand words in a space of 4 days (yes I just realized I didn’t do anything on Friday).

My school. I can’t elaborate on that. It’s just that my school has this British (we’re British and very hoity toity you see) knack of Britta-ing everything up. In conclusion, we have an internal deadline that expired on Wednesday. Yes I used the present tense on purpose. I repeat. We HAVE an internal deadline which expired on Wednesday. If, by some miracle, you the reader understand this paradoxical statement, you will understand how things work at AITCHISON COLLEGE.

The unclear implementation of the deadline is one thing. But the deadline’s existence does not make any sense to anyone. All it seems to do is take away 30 valuable days. 30 valuable College supplement writing days. And that internal deadline took those days from us. Yet we still have them days. Paradoxical statement-understanding = Aitchison College-understanding.

So, today, on Saturday, after 3 full days of no writing (just remembered. Didn’t do anything on Thursday either), I finally made the call. Made it official. I have a writer’s block. I can’t write anymore. I’m absolutely stumped. I have lost all creativity. I can’t impress myself with my words (that’s how I judge my good writing from my garbage writing).

Add that to the constant paranoia that I have regarding the quality of my already written words. What if tomorrow I wake up and realize those 5500 words are all garbage. What then?

And I have important SATs on Saturday. AMI BACHAAAYEIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I thought about blogging about it. In fact why don’t I just blog about my entire journey to college? Hence: The diary of an (ambitious?) college applicant.

You’re probably wondering how I could write this blog post in the middle of a writer’s block. I could point the finger at Ayla. She wrote this. But she didn’t. Here’s the FULL equation that I alluded to before:

Paradoxical statement-understanding = Aitchison College-understanding = Understanding me!

(Understanding me! = Understanding me X Understanding m X Understanding  X Understanding X Understandin X Understandi X Understand X Understan X Understa X Underst X Unders X Under X Unde X Und X Un X U)

Sorry Ayla. Could not resist the Math joke. Even though you said it was lame.

You Have 150 Words. Take A Risk

“Take A Risk,” it says. WELL. This is a risk – trying to write within a word limit.

If everyone else jumps off a cliff, would you? I would – if I was in Greece, and my friends were jumping off cliffs and into the ocean. It’s on my bucket list – “go to Greece. Bungee jump.” Sure, that’s two different things, but the point is, those are some things I want to do before I die. Of course, I could die tomorrow (Note to self: It been three days since that line was written. Touchwood); get run over by a bus maybe (hopefully not), and I won’t have done half the things on my list, but that’s not the point of me having made that list. It’s a way of remembering all the things I’ve seen done, and want to try for myself, sort of. Crossing out “items” on said list fills me up with a sense of achievement, even if it was something relatively lame. Here’s hoping I do find a cure for the common cold! (Don’t get me started on Humanities again. This is what humanities as a subject choice will lead to. Yes the “THIS” is a link. Go click it. Go on.)

150 words exactly^.  Leaves a lot wanting, but I tried my level best to get SOME point across, within staying in the word limit. HATE word limits. Just attempting to write something with a word limit is a risk, for me. -___- Lets not include this bit in the actual post. Or let’s do, because ‘tis sort of explanatory. You decide, Dannay. (HEY AUTOCORRECT FIGURED OUT THAT WAS A NAME AND MADE THE D CAPITAL ITSELF! L4wLz) (Let the nickname-coming-up-with to me)

Daniyal saw the Prime Minister, and all he got was this lousy blog post…

    Yeah, I saw the man. Live. In person…  Okay,  so I was sitting in the back row. So what? I still saw him. He was at my school. Not at yours. At  MINE. Be jealous. Or else.

    Maybe it was the distance between us (yes harty har har), but at first he seemed a lot like the guy who plays Gilani on GeoTV. I wondered whether they had sent a double instead. Any doubts were quickly removed when he addressed the audience. No mistaking that -howshallisayit- manner of speaking. I really think he should just speak in Urdu. The Turkish Head of State speaks in Turkish. Same goes for many other European leaders (as in they speak their native languages, not Turkish. That would be weird). But that’s a topic for another day. On with the post. Forward Russia!!

    Before I get ahead of myself, I must remind our readers why the PM was at Aitchison in the first place. If you’re a normal person*, you would already know. But I don’t mind bragging a little more about my school. You see it wasn’t just our school’s Annual (bi-annual now) Founder’s Day; it was our school’s 125^th Founder’s Day. In fact, the Principal, as well as the old boys, had organized an All-Star Weekend of sorts and snore snore snore….. Don’t want to bore anyone with the details. Back to the PM.

    When we last left our heroes, Gilani was addressing the audience at the Prize-Giving Ceremony on Founder’s Day. As he was approaching the podium, someone (a student) felt the need to shout out “Jiye Bhutto”. If Ayla remembers, he was also seen chanting a pro-PPP slogan at the MUN dinner last month. Really annoying. An ex-Aitchisonian gave the kid a piece of his mind. And rightly so - if politics was measured in gold (if it was measured at all, that is... “Politics measured?” you must be thinking - just go with the analogy puhlease), our school would be El Dorado. My point is that it’s really not the place to start chanting party slogans.

    After the PM delivered his well-written, badly orated and overall mundane speech, I started wondering whether seeing him live and close up (I got a closer look at the exhibit when it was being drawn away by a carriage) was really that big of a deal. No disrespect to our PRIME MINISTER, but he’s not very rush-inducing (maybe on the road when he stops traffic, but not in person anyway). I didn’t feel the same kind of rush that I felt when I saw Strings up close and LIVE (oh did you hear? They came back for an encore!)  What do you guys think? Is it a big deal? Also, while I’m asking questions, how does it make you feel that, throughout the article, I referred to Aitchison College as “our school”? I mean, for all I know, you might not be an Aitchisonian. More importantly, is Aitchison a school? Its 3 schools, yes. But is it A school? The name points towards the negatory.

    It wasn’t the best 125^th anniversary celebration that I’ll ever see. But so far it’s the only one. And I had, and still have, a lot of complaints about the weekend (I like to whine. A separate post should be put up soon regarding these complaints). But still, I’d like to wish our/my school/college a very Happy 125^th Birthday, even though it was on the 3^rd of November.

    Oh yeah and that Governor dude was there as well!

*normal person in this case means a person watching PTV on Sunday Morning. (they showed the entire thing on TV)

    I sense a (failed) rebuttal. Trying to cover up your trying to get back at me for my GoA post by bragging about your school (or whatever it is) and its anniversary didn’t work. HAHA. Better luck next time, sonny.

    On another note – well, no. Let us not get into talking about whocaresabouththePMgimmeMusharraf(or ImranKhan). <separate post scene>

Gentlemen of Aitchison (GoA) OR First Blood on Pride Wars

           Gentlemen of Aitchison; how can I say this without being offensive? I can’t. The innuendo-filled name was probably the only *insert positive word here* thing about the torturous three hours I wasted watching mediocre performances, on Thursday evening. You’d think that, in honor of the 125^th anniversary of their highly esteemed institution, these “gentlemen” would have put their best feet forward and come up with something EPIC. But alas, they did no such thing (sad face). The junior school performances can be overlooked, they can’t help but be forced into performing by their teachers, who choreographed (horribly) many a dances for them, and a skit addressing some major issues (dengue, the floods, and electricity shortage).

            Not all of it was that bad – some of the dances by the senior school boys were actually very good, but again, the skits, not so much. Not only did they live up to their reputation as the worst dramatics team in the whole of Lahore, they even managed to ruin a well-known, loved, old sitcom known for its hilarity: Everybody Loves Raymond. I don’t remember Robert having an effeminate voice, and being much shorter than Raymond. The boys playing the parents made a good effort, though. I don’t mean to target specific parts of the evening, but, the RIDICULOUS covers of She Will Be Loved and Apologize were too terrible for words. I mean it. These boys managed to make Ke$ha seem as perfect as Adele.

             However, the jazbaati AC “bwaiis” did make the night worthwhile (for themselves), by keeping up a constant stream of chants (“AC, AC, AC, AC!”), and I will admit, albeit reluctantly, that their passion, their loyalty, was heartwarming. I enjoyed watching them have fun more than I did watching the performances.

            Basically, I don’t get what all the hype was about. Honestly speaking, GoA bohat miss tha. Maybe next year, they’ll do better; but then again, they might not. One can only hope…

            Youjustaskedforalotoftroublelady.

            BUT, first blood to you. I concede defeat. You can’t have a chicken dance on your side, and then expect to come out victorious. But know this; I WILL BE BACK. You may have drawn first blood, but you shall lose the war. (AC, AC, AC, AC, Ac, ac, ac, ac…)

Long Weekend: Will the REAL Lahoris please... NOT LEAVE?!?!

Eid’s on Monday. You’ve probably done the math by now. If not, the following piece of information will make you go berserk: there are not three, not four, but FIVE consecutive holidays, this time (if you have Saturday school then I feel for you)!!
What’s that? You get it now? LONG WEEKEND!!!!!

You: FINALLY!!  I’ve waited all my life for this. Hamesha Eid Sunday ko ho jatee hai. This is awesome!

Me: Well no.

While I do concur with you when you say that the LONG WEEKEND is awesome, it’s not the first time it’s happened in your life. But everyone does act like it happens once in a blue moon. Just last year, for example, Eid-ul-Azha was on a Thursday *does math for a few seconds*. Haan. Tou kya bana? LONG WEEKEND! Moreover, statistics (from Zabihah or whatever those sites are called) show that this probably won’t be your last “Eid on long weekend”.  But I’m sure the next time it happens, you’ll have the same reaction.
At the mosque today, I noticed the sudden decrease in the number of Namazees (or as I shall call it from now on, Brother Strength). Nothing odd though, Brother Strength always decreases around Eid times. People go to their ancestral villages or whatever. Traffic cools down. There’s a mass exodus and what is left behind is just an Islamabad, only (still) cooler. It happens every year. Twice a year actually. Am I complaining? Maybe. It IS a little depressing.
And what do you say about the people who do leave? Are they less Lahori than someone like me, who gets his goat here every year?
That’s not for me to decide though. But it’s really annoying. For once can they NOT leave? Imagine how Eid would be like then? For one, there would be more blood on the streets. That’s not necessarily a bad thing right? It IS bakra blood after all. (Deykho Daniyal, these people need to celebrate Eid with their families. What if they are the only ones from their families living in Lahore, while the rest all live in Islamabad, for example? They’re not going to call the whole khaandan here, right? They’ll go to where the family is. Cut them some slack. *I'm going out of the city for Eid, too, so...*)

Leaving the randomness to that other one, Eid Mubarik to you (presumably the blogosphere and our readers), from me and Daniyal. We hope you have a fantastic Eid, and dont forget to remind all the elders that, Barri Eid bhi Eid hai, tou Eidi milni chahiye, gosht nahi (smiley).

The Dog and Pony Show (part 3) OR Death and All His Friends

The alternate name actually doesn’t make any sense. I just wanted to see how it felt to give something two names (my dad gave me 5, by the way: Muhammad Daniyal Farrukh Irfan Khan. Not complaining, though). So anyway, there wasn’t actually supposed to be a third part to The Dog and Pony Show, but some people (*hem hem*) actually lost sight of what the post was meant to be about. I guess you could call this Part 3 the High School Musical 3 of this blog; unplanned and easily avoidable, but ultimately, the only one that actually did its job (in HSM’s case, doing its job means making it to the big screen). We were supposed to promote our blog. Request you to come back. Again and again. Become fans. But we forgot. We’re narcissistic people you see. Self- obsessed. No wonder we’ve never been asked to write a “My Self” since the 2nd grade. (Note to Paella: Now you give them the details. How to become fans and comment and stuff. And tell them to come back regularly. And do not post this as part of the blog. I repeat. No, I don’t).

Okay, so no more Ms. Nice-Joking Guy. Let’s get technical.. I was supposed to ask you to follow our blog. There’s a box under the About Me, on which there is a button saying JOIN THIS SITE. Click on it. If you don’t have a blog of your own, fear not. Just use your gmail account. Works like magic. Once you’ve done that, come back and visit our blog again ad again. We’ll try to be as regular with posting, as possible. OH YEAH, only follow if you actually genuinely like the blog.

We’re not really trying to be funny, per se. We just ARE funny. Without trying. And we’re nice and down-to-earth. And we write about thingses one can relate to. So, you have no reason to NOT like this blog. So no reason to not follow. COME ON, click the button. You know you want to. The Dee-Dee in you is saying “Oooh, what does THIS button doooo?” Press it,  make Dee-Dee proud.. I’m waiting.