REJECTION
For a college applicant, not getting picked is the worst thing ever. It really doesn’t depend on one’s chances or one’s record. Even if you know that the place you’ve applied to is VERY VERY selective and your chances of getting in are minimal, you still have that glimmer of hope. Until they’ve delivered their verdict, you have something to hold on to. You CAN legitimately dream about going there. That is, until you get rejected.
That’s the way I see it. I can’t see it as someone else getting picked over me; that the competition was too high, or there weren’t enough seats in my chosen course. The only way I see it is that I’ve been rejected.
They didn’t like me. They turned me away. I’m inadequate. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME. WhyWhyWhy did I not get picked?
The moment I found out about my rejection (and that, too, from the first university I heard back from), I immediately started thinking about the entry test. Perhaps I could find a reason there. What about that extra e-mail I sent them, ‘cause I was getting impatient? Then I went back to my application essays. I’ve only gone as far, but who knows? I’ll go even further back. Try and find faults (more faults than I already know) in myself. Run roughshod over my entire body and soul. Try and find the one reason (or maybe many reasons) why I was not good enough.
I know it will eventually sink in. I’ll cope with it. Move on. I can still dream about everywhere else I’ve applied to. And as a famous philosopher once said “ Tum ne sirf parrhna hi hai na. Aur achay college say parrhna hai. Buss”. But right now this feeling of rejection is the worst feeling ever. I just hope I don’t devour myself in the coming hours.
P.S. The ending of that song I posted at the start is pretty sad too. And it’s stuck in my head… If you let it play at the start you’re probably reaching that part now.
Bechara...
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