The Diary Of An (Ambitious?) College Applicant-Part 4

The nightmare.

“What? One letter? All Six of them on the same letter? How the hell?”

Then I woke up. Reality check. It isn’t April. Calm down.

*Sense-making starts now*

A couple of nights ago, I had a dream that I had been rejected from all 6 Ivy League colleges that I had applied to. I got the news in one e-mail.  Doesn’t make any sense. Then again, most dreams don’t. I also have a vague memory that, in the dream, I had been rejected from all but 1 college to which I had applied. My subconscious is going crazy.

I don’t have to face any of this till April, when colleges deliver their verdicts to applicants. And I’m pretty calm these days, at least when awake. As long as I can keep the crazy to my dreams, till April, I’ll be ok.

Still, I needed to give myself something to hold onto. Being rejected from that many places in one dream does things to a person. So, inspired by that day’s Math class, I decided to calculate the expected number of Ivy’s I’ll get into.

*Stats lecture starts now. But even if that’s not your thing, please read on*

My data:

 6. The number of Ivy League Colleges I applied to (Dartmouth Cornell miss hain. They can’t even count 4 properly).

9. The average acceptance rate of an Ivy League college. I was at school so I had to estimate, but I don’t think the actual number would be much higher. (I made the convenient assumption that I was an average student, even though in reality, acceptances rate vary drastically with external factors such as nationality and financial aid options)

So, using the expectation formula used in probability distribution charts, I determined that the grand total of Ivy’s I can expect to get into is:

0.38

Yes. 0.38. This is obviously a very raw figure and is as accurate as it is re-assuring. But it’s something. Different ways of translating this figure:

1. If I were applying to 18 Ivy’s, I could expect to get into 1.15.
2. If I apply to these 6 Ivy’s 3 years in a row, I could expect to get into 1.15 colleges.
3. If I get into 1, I should consider myself lucky because the average student tends to get rejected from all 6.

Obviously I’d consider myself lucky anyway, but even my most modest self knows that I’m better than the average student. But then again I’m Pakistani. In conclusion, I know my chances of getting into an Ivy are much greater than 0.38. Perhaps even greater than 0.39.

College verdicts + Nightmares + Statistics = I’m going crazy

 10 weeks to April the 1^st. Keep Holding on.

The Diary of a Not-So-Senior Senior

Catch a Falling Star*

I’ve decided to introduce a series into my “diary” entries. I read a lot of books, about any and every thing. I read too much – yes, there is such a thing as reading too much. I lose focus of everything else, and just read. This has resulted in bad grades because I didn’t study for my exams, being called anti-social because I choose to spend my free time reading, not partying, like some people I associate myself with, etc. But none of that matters to me, and the reason why is a whole other story; one of my many idiosyncracies, philosophies, what have you. Coming back to the point: this “series” will be posts which begin with an excerpt from a book I have read (or have been reading), which has meant something to me, or is something I wish the rest of the world would read, but since everyone has different tastes in literature, and unfortunately, some people don’t read at all, I haven’t been able to expose the world to it yet. Then I shall go on to explain what I liked about it, why it left an impression on me, what impression it left – you get my drift – if I can find the words to explain how I feel.  

Today’s excerpt is from a book called ‘The Book of Qualities’, by J. Ruth Gendler. “An insightful exploration of the rich diversity of human qualities… In portraying the complexities of the psyche, Gendler uses the Qualities to bridge the distinctions between literature and psychology, and has created an original work that challenges us to look at our emotions in new and inspiring ways.” The Quality I have chosen to quote and write about is:

Inspiration

Inspiration is disturbing. She does not believe in guarantees or insurance or strict schedules. She is not interested in how well you write your grant proposal or what you do for a living or why you are too busy to see her. She will be there when you need her but you have to take it on trust. Surrender. She knows when you need her better than you do.

I found my inspiration to write this post from a chapter (if you can call it that) called Inspiration. Isn’t it ironic? But it makes perfect sense, also. If I could, I would have quoted the whole book here. The right feelings won’t come through without some more, but this will have to do, for now.

As for this excerpt, thought- provoking, eh? Thinking of inspiration as a person, you really start to think differently. It made me realize that yes, inspiration doesn’t care who you are, what you do, etc. Inspiration will come to you at any time, whether you’re looking for it, or not. It’ll come to you whether you’re a penniless, homeless child, or the parents of a sick child, or the heir to the British throne, or a normal, everyday Joe, in the middle of a normal workday. And what you make of the inspiration is what makes or breaks you. Its so simple, yet takes so long to figure out; the beauty of the unknown, and your inspiration is your guiding light.

 For those of you who are enchanted by this and are curious to read more, GO OUT AND BUY THE BOOK. It is most definitely worth it. I like to read a few pages of this book when up late at night, early in the morning, when the outside world is quiet and peacefully asleep, and I feel as though turning the television on will end the tranquility of the moment. It’s one of those books which makes you stop and think about what you’re reading, and so I find that reading a few pages at a time makes it easier to really appreciate the way in which something so ordinary, something you don’t really give much thought too, in your daily lives, has been presented, simply in order to make you better able to understand youself. That’s basically how this work of genius makes me feel.

*The name of this post came from a weird line of thought. Thinking of the time of night when I read this book led to thinking of mystical happenings, which then led to thoughts of the stars and how amazing the night sky is, and my awe at space and how light-years work, and then that random song they sing in Princess Diaries, if I remember correctly, “Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket…”

The Diary of an (Ambitious?) College Applicant - Part 3

Procrastination leads to some Bad-ass creativity

People

People dream a lot

People dream of white veil occasions.

 People dream of Charming

Life’s easy for white male Caucasians

People like to roll their eyes

People like to hate

People like to denounce

That which is destined to be great

People try to speak their mind

Most don’t know how

Confusing when Nick says Don’t Speak

And Taylor says Speak Now

People have good days

Then there are Monday blues

Refusing to welcome the new week

Holding on till the last snooze

I try to be different from people

If everyone does it, must be wrong

That logic may not work now

But Maroon says it won’t be soon before long

The Diary of an (Ambitious?) College Applicant- Part 2

REJECTION

Life is sad. Don’t believe me? Just listen to the first 17 seconds of this song.

For a college applicant, not getting picked is the worst thing ever. It really doesn’t depend on one’s chances or one’s record. Even if you know that the place you’ve applied to is VERY VERY selective and your chances of getting in are minimal, you still have that glimmer of hope. Until they’ve delivered their verdict, you have something to hold on to. You CAN legitimately dream about going there. That is, until you get rejected.

That’s the way I see it. I can’t see it as someone else getting picked over me; that the competition was too high, or there weren’t enough seats in my chosen course. The only way I see it is that I’ve been rejected.

They didn’t like me. They turned me away.  I’m inadequate. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME. WhyWhyWhy did I not get picked?

The moment I found out about my rejection (and that, too, from the first university I heard back from), I immediately started thinking about the entry test. Perhaps I could find a reason there. What about that extra e-mail I sent them, ‘cause I was getting impatient?  Then I went back to my application essays. I’ve only gone as far, but who knows? I’ll go even further back. Try and find faults (more faults than I already know) in myself. Run roughshod over my entire body and soul. Try and find the one reason (or maybe many reasons) why I was not good enough.   

I know it will eventually sink in. I’ll cope with it. Move on. I can still dream about everywhere else I’ve applied to. And as a famous philosopher once said “ Tum ne sirf parrhna hi hai na.  Aur achay college say parrhna hai. Buss”. But right now this feeling of rejection is the worst feeling ever. I just hope I don’t devour myself in the coming hours.

P.S. The ending of that song I posted at the start is pretty sad too. And it’s stuck in my head… If you let it play at the start you’re probably reaching that part now.

The Diary of a Not-So-Senior Senior

The Idol Countdown.

    December brings to mind Christmas, Boxing Day sales, midterms, winter holidays, the New Year, snow, what have you. Students spend the beginning of the month hidden behind textbooks, waiting for the last exam; the day winter break begins. The closer it gets to the 31^st, excitement for what the new year will hold sinks in. Some even begin coming up with possible New Year’s Resolutions. Most just plan New Year’s Eve parties. But what do I most look forward to?

The start of a new season of American Idol, come January.

    I love the show. Too much. I follow the whole season, come rain or shine. The auditions, though most people LOVE them, are not my favorite part. My favorite part is the last few weeks, the veeerry last few.

I’ve been a fan of the show for as long as I can remember. I started watching it during season 3. By far, my least favorite were seasons 3, 5, 6, 9, and 10, while my most favorite was season 7, when David Cook won. I watched his audition, and said, “He’s going to win.” I stood by him through till the end. I even asked my aunt in the US to vote for him. And he won.

    I’m not sure why I love Idol so much, but the first few months of the year are never complete, if I don’t have my Idol-watching days. Although, last year and the year before that, Star World was a right pain in the neck, showing episodes a week or two late. Last year was the worst, and then Scotty won. I have nothing against the guy, but its just that, REALLY? THAT is what won? I mean, COME ON. Haley Reinhart had a voice of pure gold. GOLD. And they voted her out. SO not fair.

    The fact that the judges have changed makes no difference to me. Simon Cowell was great, no doubt. Kara DioGuardi was unnecessary but not unwelcome. Paula Abdul was too nice for her own good. Randy Jackson is cool. Ellen DeGeneres was the BOMB. Jennifer Lopez is good enough. Steven Tyler is “ill”. Ryan Seacrest, however, is EPIC. I think the show wouldn’t be half as watchable if he wasn’t the host. I cant imagine Idol without him. If he were to leave it, I’d seriously consider not watching it anymore. The past couple seasons have been disappointing enough, as is.

    Be that as it may, for the time being, what I most look forward to, come December, is January, wherein a new season of Idol will be aired, during which a star will be born. Seriously.

The Diary of an (Ambitious?) College Applicant- Part 1

Writer’s BLOCK

350 words on a Microsoft WORD roughly add up to 15 kb. I have 231 KB worth of words in my “college essay” folder. *opens up calculator on computer. Reminisces about the time when computers were just calculating machines. * 231KB is roughly 5390 words. In the past 5 days, I typed in almost FIVE AND A HALF THOUSAND WORDS worth of college essay. And the best part? THE BEST PART?

I am only halfway there.

No I’m not halfway there to college. I’m only halfway there in completing my applications and the dreaded 11 letter word: “supplements”.

This time of year is perhaps the most bitchy for a college applicant i.e. a senior.  (And our entire year is TRES bitchy.) We’re running out of SAT test dates. We have school exams to keep up with. But America takes the heat off by giving us a deadline date that’s laid back. A deadline that encourages laziness and chill mahols. A deadline that is truly American in that respect.

So what’s the problem then? I should finish up with exams and stuff and then dedicate December to apps. The answer to why I cannot do that is also the reason why I frantically conjured up 5-and-a-half thousand words in a space of 4 days (yes I just realized I didn’t do anything on Friday).

My school. I can’t elaborate on that. It’s just that my school has this British (we’re British and very hoity toity you see) knack of Britta-ing everything up. In conclusion, we have an internal deadline that expired on Wednesday. Yes I used the present tense on purpose. I repeat. We HAVE an internal deadline which expired on Wednesday. If, by some miracle, you the reader understand this paradoxical statement, you will understand how things work at AITCHISON COLLEGE.

The unclear implementation of the deadline is one thing. But the deadline’s existence does not make any sense to anyone. All it seems to do is take away 30 valuable days. 30 valuable College supplement writing days. And that internal deadline took those days from us. Yet we still have them days. Paradoxical statement-understanding = Aitchison College-understanding.

So, today, on Saturday, after 3 full days of no writing (just remembered. Didn’t do anything on Thursday either), I finally made the call. Made it official. I have a writer’s block. I can’t write anymore. I’m absolutely stumped. I have lost all creativity. I can’t impress myself with my words (that’s how I judge my good writing from my garbage writing).

Add that to the constant paranoia that I have regarding the quality of my already written words. What if tomorrow I wake up and realize those 5500 words are all garbage. What then?

And I have important SATs on Saturday. AMI BACHAAAYEIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I thought about blogging about it. In fact why don’t I just blog about my entire journey to college? Hence: The diary of an (ambitious?) college applicant.

You’re probably wondering how I could write this blog post in the middle of a writer’s block. I could point the finger at Ayla. She wrote this. But she didn’t. Here’s the FULL equation that I alluded to before:

Paradoxical statement-understanding = Aitchison College-understanding = Understanding me!

(Understanding me! = Understanding me X Understanding m X Understanding  X Understanding X Understandin X Understandi X Understand X Understan X Understa X Underst X Unders X Under X Unde X Und X Un X U)

Sorry Ayla. Could not resist the Math joke. Even though you said it was lame.

You Have 150 Words. Take A Risk

“Take A Risk,” it says. WELL. This is a risk – trying to write within a word limit.

If everyone else jumps off a cliff, would you? I would – if I was in Greece, and my friends were jumping off cliffs and into the ocean. It’s on my bucket list – “go to Greece. Bungee jump.” Sure, that’s two different things, but the point is, those are some things I want to do before I die. Of course, I could die tomorrow (Note to self: It been three days since that line was written. Touchwood); get run over by a bus maybe (hopefully not), and I won’t have done half the things on my list, but that’s not the point of me having made that list. It’s a way of remembering all the things I’ve seen done, and want to try for myself, sort of. Crossing out “items” on said list fills me up with a sense of achievement, even if it was something relatively lame. Here’s hoping I do find a cure for the common cold! (Don’t get me started on Humanities again. This is what humanities as a subject choice will lead to. Yes the “THIS” is a link. Go click it. Go on.)

150 words exactly^.  Leaves a lot wanting, but I tried my level best to get SOME point across, within staying in the word limit. HATE word limits. Just attempting to write something with a word limit is a risk, for me. -___- Lets not include this bit in the actual post. Or let’s do, because ‘tis sort of explanatory. You decide, Dannay. (HEY AUTOCORRECT FIGURED OUT THAT WAS A NAME AND MADE THE D CAPITAL ITSELF! L4wLz) (Let the nickname-coming-up-with to me)